About Me

The Queen

QImperfectionDoes your significant other have a term of endearment for you? Maybe it’s something like honey, sweetie, darling, babe, angel, sugar, love, etc. Well, my husband also has many names for me but the primary one is queen. He has been calling me queen even before we got married. What’s bizarre is that several of his male friends started calling me queen after we got married.

Now I possess a large collection of dishes, plaques, and tiaras that have been gifted to me related to being the queen. It got so bad that the students at our relationship workshops would sing ‘God Save The Queen’ when I went on stage.

Even though I don’t look like a queen, don’t have the income or lifestyle of a queen, I have come to embrace the title. Move over Lizzy, brown girl is moving in!

In my evolution as a woman, friend, wife, mother, grandmother, and mentor, I’ve discovered that every woman needs to be the queen in someone’s life. Unfortunately for me, the journey started externally and over several decades made it’s way internally.

I’ve been very blessed in choosing a husband (the second time). Everyday, even when he’s been away or we’ve had a blow up, he says or does something that makes me feel royal. It took me a while to get that I am deserving of this love, adoration, joy, and yes, abundance. (Occasionally a bun dance to go with it)

The Bitch

When I was 10 years old, my parents packed up the family and moved to North America. I finished my elementary schooling in a small mill town where we were one of a handful of minority families in west coast Canada. We were very devoted to the Christian faith and active in the Pentecostal church.

Upon graduating I left the small town to get higher education. This was the beginning of my awakening of an unfamiliar world.

red dressFast forward 15 years …Now comes the juicy part, I promise. You remember when you were first dating someone, how much extra time you took to get ready? The makeup had to be perfect, new underwear, no panty lines, with every hair in place. Oh yes, you know what I’m sayin girl.

Well, on this particular occasion I wore a fitted long red dress that showed all my curves with matching shoes and a clutch, big curly hair that I really had no control over. My husband, then boyfriend, opened the door, scanned me up and down, almost salivating and said “you are one sexy bitch!”

After hearing him say the B word, I lost it. I was livid. How dare he put me and bitch in the same sentence. After all, I was upholding the image of a good Christian girl and being called a bitch really pissed me off. This was not gonna work for me. In my head, I quickly mapped my fastest exit strategy.

Eventually after calming down, we discussed my definition of bitch and what I thought he meant by that comment. In my experience people used ‘bitch’ as a derogatory term to swear at women who did or said something to upset them. According to my Christian upbringing these women most likely were bossy, opinionated, and rude.

Times have changed and so have I. Now I embrace bitch as Babe In Total Control of Herself and I accept that ‘bitches’ do upset people because we are women with voices who want to be heard.

I used to be afraid of doing and saying something that would upset people, especially men, family, and friends. My ex husband called me a bitch whenever I disagreed with him or I had my period.

Women in power are often seen as bitches, even by other women, and maybe it’s time for us to embrace being called a ‘bitch’ as a compliment.

I would love to hear every woman use their voice and give real opinions, take charge of their own lives, and get really comfortable amalgamating their femininity with power. We do not live in a world yet where women have equality. As women, we need to become active in our own lives if we want this to change.

I’m not asking you to join a movement. I’m just asking you to stand up for yourself. You are worth fighting for. Be a Babe In Total Control of Herself. If not you, then who? If not for yourself, then be a Bitch for your daughters and the young women who look up to you.

We all deserve to feel and be treated like a queen, but if that means giving up your voice…don’t do it! Owning your crown will require you getting comfortable with being seen as a B.I.T.C.H.

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