Maybe you’ve heard of a saying, “There’s someone out there for everyone”. As optimistic as I am most of the time, I can’t deny the fact that I personally know many women who have never dated the right one or been in love at all.
If you are fortunate enough to get the opportunity for mutual caring, love, and deep companionship with another human being, walking away from it to please others can potentially end up meaning denying yourself of ever being completely alive.
Bernadette’s Secret Confession
Bernadette: I am here not to confess about something I’ve done but to confess about something I’m thinking about doing…a lot.
QB: I’m intrigued. You’ve got my full attention.
Bernadette: I got married in my early twenties to a man who has been, by all standards, good to me. We have been together for over thirty years and have children and grand children. We have never really had any fights during our marriage. He does his own thing and lets me pursue whatever interests I have. We’ve never had similar interests other than playing cards once in a while.
QB: Hmm, do you love him?
Bernadette: I think so. I’m not sure. I don’t really know.
QB: Did you love him when you got married?
Bernadette: I don’t know that either. I just did what was expected of me.
QB: Does he love you?
Bernadette: Maybe. But I really don’t know. We don’t say stuff like that to one another.
QB: We did what I thought we were supposed to do. He was a nice man and I was a good woman. We vowed to be together till death. I have never been with another man.
Bernadette: So what’s the problem?
QB: I feel horrible and guilty for saying this out loud. I feel wrong for even feeling it but I can’t stop it. I keep thinking about someone else. I love it when we talk in person or on the phone. I can’t wait till we can talk again and I long for our next meeting. We are just friends but I fantasize about intimate situations between us. I’m feeling things in parts of my body I have never felt and I like it.
Bernadette: What parts?
QB: I’m too embarrassed to say. You know, down there.
Bernadette: You mean your vagina and clitoris?
QB: Yes, there. I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t want to stop it.
Bernadette: Are you considering an affair?
Bernadette: No, I’ve never been unfaithful and I’m not gonna start now.
I just don’t know how to ask my husband for a separation. All our friends will judge me. My children might hate me. I don’t know if I can face that.
QB: Does your husband and your circle of people know this man?
Bernadette: This person is not a man. She is a woman.
QB: Whoa, I didn’t see that one coming.
Bernadette: She is gay. Before meeting her, I never felt any attraction to women. But then, I never really thought much about men either. She is gay.
QB: I can certainly understand why this decision is so difficult.
Bernadette: We laugh together so much. We have fun doing silly things. We really enjoy each other’s company. I long for her when we are apart. When I think of my future, she is with me. A part of me feels like I should keep it as a fantasy and honor my vow till death. But, a bigger part of me doesn’t want to wait. I don’t know what to do.
The love of my life gave me one of his favorite books on my first birthday we celebrated together. “The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran has many life philosophies.
There is one particular piece about love that can’t be expressed more eloquently.
“When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you”…
“But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, then it is better that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all your laughter, and weep, but not all your tears.”…
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding…”
I didn’t meet the love of my life until I was 33. Prior to meeting him, I thought I had loved. If you’ve never seen the ocean, how would you know what being in one feels like?
The only risk of living an obligated life is being dead long before you are in a coffin and buried. Maybe it’s not just your coochie/under areas that has awakened. Maybe it’s life force that you have denied for so long.
You must open yourself to giving and receiving love. Mutual love and respect between two people, whatever their gender or age maybe, has the possibility of lifting your lives to it’s highest potential, as well as potentially plunging you in deepest sorrow. Even so, it is a risk worth taking. If you don’t, you will miss the best part of the human experience. So, what are you waiting for?
Reporting confessions one blog post at a time,